I've deliberated a bit with this post. I've said before on here that I very much enjoy looking back through my blog like a bit of a diary, full of happy times and sad. But for the last three nights, I have dreamed about this, so I obviously need to get it out!

Saturday is my best friends' wedding day. On Saturday morning, I should be waking up super early, kissing Leia goodbye and heading to wherever we're getting ready. I should be popping the cork on the bottle of Bolly I've had waiting for this day. I should be bubbling with excitement as we all get our hair done, admiring my standard 'wedding' nails (classic french with a line of glitter for a bit of glamour), I should be welling up when I see her in her dress for the first time. Walking down the aisle watching her about-to-be-husband's face light up as her sees her in all her glory enter the church.


Instead, I won't be there.

I wrote a post a couple of months ago about losing a friend, and I still struggle with it. I still go to screenshot funny things to send to her, or open up a text message when I want to tell her something. It's like any break up, and it will heal in time. I have tried to reach out and to find out what happened to make it go wrong, but I've never got anything back. The thing is, you love a friend in a different and much deeper way to anything else. Especially someone who you've been so close to for so long. It just feels wrong to not be there.

I know that she will have the most amazing day and I've probably not even crossed her mind once in the last few months, but for me, I will be wishing I was there, right by her side, on the most special and love-filled day of her life.

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Ems x